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| A Buffalonian Goes to the Movies First these reviews are out of date because I only go to movies when a movie is still being shown but when I can reasonably calculate that the movie theater will be nearly empty. I do this so I don’t have to wait in line for popcorn and don’t have to look at other people like me who only go to movies when. . . Many times I would prefer the empty theater. In any case, it’s a good idea to bring along a pen light and a comic book if you can handle all of that and the popcorn. You might conclude from this introduction that I am that rare creature, the antisocial Buffalonian, but you would be wrong, it is Buffalonian. I am from Buffalo, but like most people from Buffalo I left and then came back and now pretend that I prefer this place to Beirut, my other favorite city. Beirut has much better movie theaters and when people are jittery they are very empty movie theaters. As for being antisocial, that’s none of your business. So now that we have that straight let me describe a couple of my recent movie experiences. “Margot At the Wedding”—I went only because it was being shown at a real movie theater, the North Park, not in a large prison cell equipped with deafening surround sound for the Hollywood equivalent of audio water boarding. I got enough of the real thing during the good old days in Beirut. Hollywood has discovered this “wwhhomp” sound which is put in whenever they guess you are falling asleep, which for this movie was pretty often, even though the “wwhhomp” sound was used sparingly, alas. As a long aside, what is it about Nicole Kidman that makes directors and movie critics think she can act? That she is Australian? I’d prefer Lleyton Hewitt. At least he gives you an occasional “Keeeum’ on.” See Nicole pour wine, see Nicole pop pills, see Nicole climb a tree and get a limb stuck up her bony ass. Real people from Buffalo or Beirut don’t consider this acting. But this is a night out—you get to spend a couple of hours with self absorbed Nor’ easterners with no visible means of support, aside from mining their self absorbed lives for material that they can put in stories that get published in the “New Yorker” and then made into screen plays for movies like the one you, idiot, are watching, unless you remembered the pen light and comic book. No Country For Old Men—or for the Cohen brothers. You can’t put one over on genuine Buffalonians, or Beirutis for that matter, we know west Texas when we see it and this is North, or was it South Dakota? Ok they have reinvented “Fargo.” In place of the pregnant cop with the understanding husband we have the world weary sheriff (not pregnant) with the understanding wife and horse. In place of Arby’s we have the Texas diner. Same dim-witted deputy, but with a cowboy hat. In place of the cigarette smoking psychopath we have the nut munching psychopath. Too bad they can’t afford Steve Buscemi anymore because Hollywood psychopaths are great straight men for guys like Steve Buscemi and we Buffalonians, especially from west of Main Street, think Steve is a real person who can act like an actor. I thought this movie had potential—the psychopath wanders around west Texas just as he might the west side or west Beirut with a large canister of compressed air bopping unsuspecting motorists, much as they do cattle these days to put them out of their collective misery. The neatly coiffed psychopath—this is supposed to make him ultra scary, he combs his hair!--switches to what I think genuine western folk call a long gun, with a very large silencer, which he carries around to dispatch various west Texans, many of them in coveralls and greasy caps, individuals who look like they need dispatching and quick. The Cohen brothers oblige. Now we Buffalonian-Beirutis have seen our share of psychopaths wandering the streets with high powered weapons and it does attract your attention, but this version of said mayhem gets boring because we know that a person creeping around a movie set with a large canister of compressed air and a long rifle blowing people and chickens away will not get noticed as long as you tell the extras and the idiots watching the film that said psychopath is creeping around west Texas. Throw in some drug money, cowboy boots, and extras playing dead Mexicans and you have the Cohen brothers reinventing themselves as the Cohen brothers meet west Texas. But there is one real plus for movie goers like me—they spare us the west Texas music. Damn the pen light went out. |
the north park
hertel ave
buffalo
hertel ave
buffalo
| two clunkers reviewed by jack d'amico |
| I was writing a letter to jack d’amico in bflo and mentioned a film—no country for old men. Terrific film says I—the coen brothers—check it out I mailed the letter and 3 days later I get an e-mail with an attatchment. Turns out jack was watching the film at the same time but—as frequently happens—to form a contrary view. There was another film—margot at the wedding, similarly cursed, and now he decides its time to get a few things off his chest movie-wise and fires off a letter to the Buffalo News. That was the attatchment he sends. But the News failed to print. Why? Something about the tone--too “sarcastic” says they. That was their word. So I read the piece and e- mailed him back. I said: what sarcasm? |
good haircut!
nicole in the tree